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I just noticed that it will be a month in two days since I last updated my journal. That's pretty sad. I haven't had anything to talk about, though, unless you count a falling out and depression and finishing a story exciting.

Um... start from the beginning? What beginning?
There's a beginning here somewhere (and this is the third time I've caught myself trying to spell "beggining" instead of "beginning," grr) about someone and myself. If anyone really knows me then you know we can't be friends past two years (one person excluded, because she's a girl and she rokkzorz my sokkzorz--what?--and yes, being a girl instantly gives you big kudos in my tiny "friend" compartment) and so I found out my last remaining friend was two years over his two years. I think. Two-ish, at least. We've been friends forever and ever and ever and it felt just perfect. I don't think we're really friends anymore; I can't tell, every time I try to talk to him, against my better judgment since I've told myself repeatedly, "He's just going to ignore you. You've washed your hands of him; you're done," he goes ahead and ignores me like a good ex-friend would do. Oh, and the things we talk about are not the things we should talk about, if that makes sense. You try asking someone what they think of you.
So yeah, part one of depression there.

Finishing a story. Yes, it's true. In all my years of writing (8 years) and at least thirty filled notebooks later, countless Word documents later, I've finally finished a story I don't regret! (Olive grew to level 2! Happiness: +1. Dreams fulfilled: -2. Defense against the voices: +8) Bloody Moon was officially finished, according to my computer, on August 6th at 11:04 PM. So you can catch the whole story on my dA page. Of course, if I ever the get the guts to actually send it anywhere--magazines publish some stories, and if I went to school I could have it published in a stupid little newsletter, or be part of those contests libraries always jabber about--it will be polished over and over again but for now I consider it done. Half a year, a full notebook, and 89 pages later here I am. Deranged, sobbing, lonely, and feeling just awful. (Happiness: -10. Happiness level: -10,000.)
Why can't I have a good time?

Actually, I still believe I'm broken. Without Rowena here I'm completely lonely and the three main voices in my head are bothering me to death. Three main voices? In your head? Yes, I have three main voices in my head, they speak louder to me over all the others, and yet their not even real characters or anything--they are me. The usual me, myself, and I thing, I think. But it's strange because only one is me. You know how you think, you hear your voice in your head, and I'm still curious as to how that works--but that's what I hear. I hear myself. At least, once. The other two voices are weird. One is British, though she has a nice voice, not one of those choppy, harsh English voices; and most of the time, when I'm talking to myself out loud (because I do it a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot) her voice comes from my mouth. So I always end up talking to myself in a British voice. The other voice, the male voice (which has to be strange considering I'm female and there's a male voice in my head), just stays quiet most of the time; at least, he never uses my mouth, but he still talks. Is it strange if you see your imaginary friends lounging around your room?

Speaking of imaginary friends I've been stabbing the dead horse with a sword again. Anyone know the Treskelvay's? Probably not. Their two years old, first to find the cramped space of my tiny, stupid mind, and never gave me a story. Over 305 pages combined on the computer, a whole five-subject notebook filled front to back with their information, and over fifty-something snippets sitting in a folder--and I have NOTHING! What kind of characters do this? Are they shy, are they mean, do they just hate me, perhaps their not the right characters for me? I mean, really, I have trouble getting into their heads anymore (Danielle is nothing but a bundle of happiness; Crystal is nothing but darkness, angry depression; Jaxson is nothing but moody; Seth, Dorian, and Aileena I haven't been able to touch) but that shouldn't stop me from writing them, right? I've tried my hand at Alicia again but now she's playing the "sour" card with me. She's a pouty brat. In the original she was a naive, human human. Ugh! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
I could connect with Ben's whole storyline, Rowena's storyline, even a small little coven who I absolutely adored, though they were just for passing writer's block!
.....I miss Naomi.

I really wish I had someone to actually talk these things out with. Talking to yourself can only get you so far; eventually you start yelling at yourself to shut up because you hate what you're saying and whatever you say is wrong. Things should be this way, not that way, and they certainly can't be both!

If anyone has any tears they can spare, I'd gladly take them off your hands. I need a good break down right about now.