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Mm'kay, so anyone who remotely knows me knows that I hate the sun, the heat. It's just miserable and awful and ugh. And I feel like I've started a story now, but that's normal for me now since I've been so cooped in my mind with characters that don't exist anymore that everything turns out sounding like a story. Not my point. That point belongs to later.

Why I'm starting with miserableness is because I'm going down into miserableness. Every July is Georgia July. Normally we go half the week of the Fourth of July because of the annoying family reunion but this year we're not. Where's my chorus of angels? They were blaring when I got the news. This year instead of spending five days down in the awful heat we're only spending three days. Leave Saturday morning, reunion on Sunday, sit at the trailer until six PM, leave around 3:00 AM Monday morning, be back by the evening, night, of the same day. Who says miracles don't happen? I'm absolutely loving it! No torture this year~

To sound happy about not having to visit your relatives for an extended amount of time sounds a little, I don't know, mean. Sure a lot of people don't like their relatives but mine are simple enough to get along with, unless they pull out their redneck ways, but most of them are more cultured than that. Sounds strange to say about rednecks, but once they get away from home, go out in the world, they start to pick up on "normal people" habits. Like actually saying wash instead of warsh (read: WAR-sch). Of course, none of my relatives will EVER pick up that habit. Too much southern in them. As long as I don't hear vijeo games I think I'll be okay.

So wish me luck that I don't end up strangling myself or someone around me while I'm gone.

So now that point one is out of the way, shall we go back to point two, who was so rudely trying to make itself point one? Hint, it's more story things, which have to deal with the sake of my sanity so let me rant a little, 'kay? I feel like I haven't seen or spoken to a human life form in years, which, in case you didn't know, can make anyone a little crazy. Just a little.
So because I've had no one to talk to I've been having random shout outs with myself and I keep hearing things that aren't there, but should be, but they're not because they're all in my head where several hundred people happen to be. It's like a large conference room, or a ball room in some fancy hotel where business awards are held, so the acoustics are perfect, where hundreds of people have gathered, wine in their hands, milling about with their laughter. Then someone steps up to the microphone on the raised dais, but instead of simply saying, "Excuse me" or the like just loud enough to have everyone give them his attention, it's like he screamed into the mic, "I can't hear you!" until everyone picked up volume, one roaring laugh after another, glasses shattered just from the noise. It's nothing but loud talking, loud laughing. I'd rather listen to the constant buzz in my ears than listen to this. It's driving me insane.
And why is it slowly whittling away at my sanity? Because my characters enjoy causing me pain. They love it. Why else would they do this time and time again? Sure, it may be because I let them get away with it sometimes because I firmly believe they'll spit out a beautiful story that will make me love them long time, but it's mostly just because they like to see me cry and beg. Oh, and tear my hair out. I'm serious, if I didn't love it so much (yay for getting it redyed~) I'd have done tore every single strand from my scalp.
Being locked inside your mind sucks because it also has a strange way of seeking out old, very old, wounds and prying them open. In the past two days (and far before that, but I had human contact between Sunday and Monday, if I remember correctly) I have had more problems, more anger especially, in a long time. Why? Because my mind is picking at old wounds, literally poking them like some giant sleeping lion only to find out yes, it will wake up, and yes, it will be angry enough to kill you. So that's been loads of fun.

I know I've always told myself I'm better off alone, I'm not fit to be around people, and I've accepted that. I can see myself being alone forever and ever. I just can't see myself being without at least one person to contact once or twice a week. I have too much paranoia, I have too many anxiety attacks, to be left completely alone. After being cooped up for so long I actually feel decent just getting out of the house, away from the house, at least for a little while, to be around humans for a short amount of time. Not to talk too, of course, but to observe. Just to be near people who you know could be just like you. But of course their not because I'm far too dead to be like them, or for them to be like me. I'm sure there are other human zombies out there, though. Undead recognize other undead; the same goes for humans. Being both must amp up that ability so if I ever find someone as hollow I should recognize them. In theory. I noticed, recently, that when I'm left alone to my manic mind, I come up with a lot of theories. None of them really intelligable, but interesting nonetheless. You can't hear them though because we're too skiddish to share, and also because they mostly have to deal with the undead. I'll give you one, though.

Why do vampires and zombies have that natural aversion to each other? Now, I'm sure vampires find zombies to be simply too dead to acknowledge, but they have to realize if they worked together it would be astounding. They would be the greatest killing machines together. Vampires, who kill by taking blood. Zombies, who kill by eating humans. If a vampire were to attack a human first, suck out all the blood, then have the zombie eat the human immediately (no one likes a cold body, after all), they could pick off all of humanity. There wouldn't be a single trace of the victim; no blood on the ground, no body left to contact police about--the vampire would be smart enough to gather the uneaten clothes and dispose of them far, far away. No one would know! People would just disappear! It works so easily for them, and two species are getting fed. Doesn't that make so much sense? I suppose in theory. It's an interesting concept, though.

Well, that's all I have to say tonight. This morning. Whatever. I started this at 4:44 AM, and now it's 5:45 AM. I didn't take any breaks, I didn't stop to gather my thoughts. My typing speed has gone down recently I noticed, but it's not too bad. It's mostly slow because I have to stop and think about the word before I put it down; oh, and my keyboard is broke, too. The other night I was writing "She would" and it came out "Should." I'm doing that a lot lately. "Because" turns into "Before" somehow, too. Oh wait, I know how that happens; people are either screaming at me to do something, or someone is talking to me too quickly to write it down. Ugh. Humanity sucks.