o_x_Shifty_x_o
So no s**t, true story, there I was, balls deep in the jungles of Nam with nothing but a coat hanger, some silly string and ten rounds of 25 mm for a Bradley fighting vehicle when up popped these elves asking me if I knew why the sacred banana had been slaughtering infants in a wholesale crusade into the Eye of Terror with a regiment of candy coated hobo-zombies while it rained indoors. Needless to say, I had my work cut out for me. But the rest of the story comes later.
As promised, here's the next installment in the exciting series of "The Adventures of Preliat Militis, the Mandlaorian Shifty Frog of Doom and Stuff and Things!"
The regiment of hobo zombies, mentioned previously were actually quite the sociable bunch and were just the type of people, if that's what they could be called, that I would befriend, though my previous employers were obvious not going to be thrilled at my dubious and unannounced change in loyalties to this war we found ourselves in. Unfortunately for them, Shifty gives not ten shits nor a mouses hind quarters during tax season what others think of him when a profit is visible and that in mind, I banded together with the feisty and homeless devourers of flesh and bone and set off to engage in ravenous games of checkers with the Ottoman empire with the help of my trusty steed and favorite inanimate object, BOB, who will not be around after the show for questions. Together, none were able to stand in our way and, though my weapon jammed in the height of the semi-finals' most exciting moments, I faltered not for I had in my possession the answer to the forbidden question, and my enemies dared not destroy me for their desire to know burned greater then a five year old's backside after bringing home straight D minuses. With that advantage, and the fact that I had a greater need to win then anyone else, I sallied forth, punching them in the face one by one until they cried. Then I felt bad.... But, not wanting to show weakness, I retrieved my weapon, unjammed it and shot them all dad in front of their cousins, a lesson to any who would dare defy the Lord of Change. Revenge fueled their hearts and I knew this battle was not yet won, but I was confident in my ability to murder the innocent and righteous, being a man of faith and a firm believer in Jesus Christ. But, the rest of the story come later...
So, now that you've read part two of the story, if you even read it all (Butt heads, I took all that time to write it and you didn't even read it? Who do you think you are, me?!) I suppose I can tell you something real. I'm very excited to say that I'll be heading back to the Etats Uni, or however you spell it in that one language, very soon! I know the precise date, but because I'm a super Special Forces Green Beret Badass (Not true at all....) I'm not allowed to post when. razz S'called OPSEC. But, as I'm sure anyone would understand, I'm super duper pooper scooper excited. xD So, how the shab are all you Fluffies doing?
P.S. If you're going to criticize my story, make it as harsh as you want, but be constructive or I'll flame you without fear of being banned. >_>
