• Ever look in the mirror and feel utter disgust?
    Ever describe yourself as demented and full of lust?
    Ever decide that the rain was truly blood?
    Ever feel like your life was slipping away, like you’re sinking in the mud?
    Wondering what could possibly destroy you next.
    Crushing who you are; no you aren’t surviving the basic tests.
    Expect to be remembered as a taxidermy statue.
    At a glance full of life but death truly did pursue.
    The miasma breathed in rolled from those with the gift of the silver tongue.
    Looking, searching for a sliver of light.
    Crying, only finding darkness in sight.
    Literal or figurative.
    It doesn’t matter, only what you’re life gives.
    People telling you to cheer up and really truly insist.
    Even when you look, smell, and feel like you’re crazy as hell.
    If the ailments of your life continue to persist,
    Then you know why you believe you’ll be dumped in the cell.

    Vanity leads a life that’s become routine.
    Completely disgusted with who you are; wanting to destroy your purines.
    Hoping to be pumped full with hollow point slugs.
    Hoping to be put down by a warrior not a thug.
    Amazing the damage that results from low self-esteem.
    It’s more than a silent killer, know what I mean?

    Tell me, just how normal do you think I look?
    If you knew what thoughts were in my mind I can guarantee you’d be shook.
    Mind, heart, body, and soul.
    Misery and pain seemed to be my life’s goal.
    Hatred became sacred.
    Wanting that one beauty completely naked.
    Lacking any kind of pride.
    One would say my spirit died.
    My soul turned to a black flame.
    Many people in my mind feeling such shame.
    The masses lacking good taste.
    Look upon me and see a horrid disgrace.
    But I don’t give a damn I move at my own pace.
    Retaliating would be a complete waste.
    I understand now why they say there’s no hope for the human race.

    Vanity leads a life that’s become routine.
    Completely disgusted with who you are; wanting to destroy your purines.
    Hoping to be pumped full with hollow point slugs.
    Hoping to be put down by a warrior not a thug.
    Amazing the damage that results from low self-esteem.
    It’s more than a silent killer, know what I mean?

     
    Many call me intoxicated when really I’m just toxic.
    Bleeding a poison that’ll cave in your eye sockets.
    Better avoid me.
    Trust that you can see.
    It’s a glow of impurities that have pointed me in the right direction.
    Saving me from the forest I was lost in when I came to an intersection.
    Journeyed across Acheron and the river Styx.
    Crossed the Phlegethon with my crucifix.
    Came across Lake Cocytis as I battled my inner demons.
    Stood at the devil’s door and above there was a light gleamin’.
    Entered my own resurrection and put an end to fiendin’.
    Ghouls and goblins that were my inner psyche.
    Dead and gone now so there’s nothing to spite me.
    A lack of self-confidence and a lack of inner strength made me.
    Fighting through this purgatory is what has changed me.
    I no longer view myself in a bitter manner.
    Understanding my personal views were once a form of slander.
    Now I’m constructing my life into a Canterbury tale.
    Teaching lessons as I go; no, I cannot fail.
    Creating a whirlwind with this disturbance in the force.
    Understanding things will never get better unless they first get worse.
    Please understand, this is the result of gaining confidence.
    I believe in myself now; isn’t it wondrous?
    Recognizing and fighting my destiny.
    Ignore fate; I’m making a path with my own two feet.
    I hope that paradise is where I’m headed.
    I hope that a saving sort of gospel is what I’ve embedded.
    To those I love I must give credit.
    Those I trust I must rely on to edit.
    Death becomes me more than life.
    It’s because it’s easier; you simply have to close your eyes.
    Sadly, life wants me first.
    At least I’m not hell’s prisoner; that’d be the worst.
    I was once idiotic but I’m no longer a fool.
    I’m using this self-esteem to pause the fight; it’s time to head back to school.