• The road is so dark.
    I'm starting to wonder about you now.
    I can't even remember
    what
    we argued about.
    And all I know
    is that
    I'm angry.
    My head is
    full of red.
    I can't even see
    your face.
    Clouds of red
    are fluffy,
    passing
    in front
    of your face.

    [[the road looks strange too black but the road is always black its always just that way its my imagination but I feel strange something in my stomach indigestion no it's not indigestion I'm being paranoid but its snowing out and I should stop.]]

    Was I wrong? I
    start to think
    maybe.
    Maybe.
    Maybe?
    No.
    I'm right.
    I was always right.
    I had to defend myself.
    I couldn't let you win. I didn't
    know why.
    But I couldn't let you win.

    [[the radio is not loud enough the window still needs fixing why can't I ever fix this thing it always feels wrong when I'm driving alone I shouldn't have driven alone because now I'm scared but NO I'm not cared because that is stupid to be scared out here.]]

    The wind is loud.
    It is so loud, I
    can't hear myself.
    Almost, I can't
    hear myself.
    Over and over, I
    think I
    can't
    hear myself.
    The trees glow,
    dark then light.
    Headlights make stark
    frozen snapshots.
    Camera lenses,
    always snapping.
    Always snapping,
    and now they blur.

    So beautiful,
    that's what they are.
    I never noticed,
    but I never notice,
    do I?
    I didn't notice your look.
    I didn't notice your frown.
    I didn't notice your hand
    placed on my hand
    holding too tight
    talking too quiet.
    I never notice.

    [[how did I get here it seems too quiet now but its so loud winter is nice but I hate the cold should shift gears stupid car won't shift gears right gotta get it fixed should've told you to remind me what were we saying to each other?]]

    Are you right?
    It's so dark.
    It's so, so dark without
    you.
    Even with the lights on,
    even with the headlights flashed,
    even with the music and the radio
    light that annoys you when
    you like to drive
    in the dark when it's
    not really dark.
    I'm starting
    to miss you.

    It's too cold in here.
    With no you, it's cold.
    Even when I'm so hot,
    it's too cold.
    Even when I'm so hot,
    you should be here,
    to make it warm,
    so warm the car
    is filled with just you.

    [[headlights seem so bright and the trees are beautiful tonight I should've taken you but I couldn't I was still too mad we would've yelled and the car would be noisier than it already is but the car isn't noisy it's too quiet even with the radio on its too quiet.]]

    My fingers fumble
    on the knob of the
    radio where the light
    is bright.
    The song blares, but
    I don't hear it.
    All I hear is your voice.
    You're so angry.
    And it makes me angry.
    It makes me angry,
    because you are angry.
    It is stupid,
    because
    I shouldn't be
    so
    angry.

    I watch the
    road. It looks
    like a black hole
    if it were
    stretched out
    like that.
    I don't know why
    I think I
    feel like that.
    It seems like
    nothing compared
    to the black hole
    in my
    chest
    sucking in.

    [[this is stupid I was right why do I even take this road its so dark should I turn back no its way too weak you would think I lost and I didn't lose you didn't lose either but one of us had to win and I want to win but I don't like the thought of winning so much any more.]]

    White fuzz
    static you could say
    it flies around.
    I don't see it
    but I see it at the
    same time.
    I'm not sure
    why
    but I
    think I'm wandering
    as I drive
    and--

    The car skids.
    Wheels scream to me,
    indignant.
    I feel strange
    for only
    a moment.
    All freezes. Everything
    just
    freezes.
    Ice freezes things.
    The road,
    the time,
    the car,
    my thoughts,
    but my
    memories
    are still
    too hot
    to freeze.

    [[road is slick under my wheels but it has a smoothness that makes me want to cry its so beautiful I see the deer I tried to avoid what is a deer doing here I don't understand for a moment what happened--]]

    And life flashes
    right before
    my eyes.
    But it's not mine.

    [[the tree so close too close close enough to touch close enough to make out bark and snow and ice and needles close so close now too close--]]

    It's yours.
    Yours flashes
    before me
    with your arms
    your smile
    your beginnings
    your ends
    and all in between.

    [[a black hole screaming tires smell of burning rubber and painful sounds what is that sound it sounds like a gasp but its from me and I see I will die yes I will die because its too close the tree is too close I'm TOO CLOSE--]]

    I see
    your smile,
    your laugh
    your frown
    your tears
    your angry face and
    I'm happy.

    [[Tree shakes and I feel glass there is too much pain something wet on my face too much hurt I want to sleep now get away from the pain too much pain but I need to remember you I need to remember you I need to remember you I need to remember you I need to--]]

    You are home.
    You are safe.
    You told me to
    leave and its
    not you in
    the car next
    to me in this spinning
    wreck-to-happen
    and I can't
    hurt
    you
    any--

    --
    --
    --
    --

    The crash is resounding and the birds fly away.
    And the living will arrive in droves the next day.