and what am i?

• Artist: invaderalice333
• Description: i haven't written anything in this style before, so any sort of criticism is appreciated
• Date: 10/12/2009
• Tags: battle what winter

oh mighty sword
oh mighty bow
I have won
victorious foe

and in the night
the snow shines clear
the type rebounds
on this page here

sound the bell
the battle won
blood lined dress
out in the sun

and so naive
a soul is past
hide in eve
or mourn in day

would ever i
i can't say

it is simple
i don't know
was it right?
to be taken over
so easily

she fell so fast,
i fell faster,
she was reason,
what was i?

and without her,
what am i?
i hold no standing
in logic's place

oh god
this was not
the right choice
she should have won
what have i done?
she should have
she would have

at this point
there is no turning back
through frozen dark
and lest you fall
do not
do not
you'll regret it all

it could be worse
but how is that so?
when i myself
destroyed not my foe

she was not my foe
for she was i
so what does that
make me?

what is left
i am, but she,
she i have slain

Comments

[XxMiss_SmexiliciousxX]

//^^^^. like it.
twisted. ;P

[xxtessxx10]

Lovely twist. In the middle, when you break out of the rhyming, it get's a little rough. Try to make the transition smoother. Also, the last couple of lines you could've made a little more dramatic with some description, but overall, this is a great poem! 4/5