My Tears Burn For You

• Artist: writervsworld
• Description: wrote this after i got grounded for sneaking out to meet my bf...obvoisly got caught, got in trouble
• Date: 05/28/2009
• Tags: tears burn

I'm gasping for any air I can find.
It's slipping through my grip.
I'm trying to hold onto my sanity, but it's quickly escaping my mind.
I'm this close to a non-refundable trip.

These wet blurs are blinding me.
Making it impossible to see.
My palms are so sweaty .
My cheeks are still burning.

This pain is unescapable.
Stealing my motivation.
I don't think I'm capable.
Of understanding the point.

You explain so well everything I don't get.
Your my only reason for existing.
And if you could only stays constantly wet.
For you, my body's burning.

I hate these damn locks everywhere I turn.
I hate these reproachful looks watching my every move.
They ask "When will I learn?"
Learn to what? Not love?

They're mother ******** fools if they think that a couple extra precations can keep me from you.
Any sooner then the sun transforms into moon.
Please wait while this cools down.
I know you will, cause me and you are bound.

Comments

[popsicle]

(continued. x] ) And I believe that you mean 'inescapable' in line 9.
I like how the poem moves from the internal struggle out to what's actually going and and what's causing the stress at the beginning. The periods do confuse the meaning because they chop the poem into individual sentences and fragments. Just mess around with the end punctuation and things should flow a whole lot better. :]

[popsicle]

The periods at the end of every line mess with the poetic flow, unless you mean for the reader to stop and pause after each line. Just proofread a bit more. You have some spelling mistakes and my personal pet peeve of doom; 'your' is possessive(YOUR car) and 'you're' is 'you are'(YOU'RE my only reason...).
Aside from that, "... wet blurs are blinding me.
Making it impossible to see" is redundant, because blinding means making it impossible to see, so it's like you're saying it twice.