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No light exists now
Once dreams existed now gone,
Emptiness fulfilled.
- by shanice_rocks |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 05/01/2009 |
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- Title: Haiku
- Artist: shanice_rocks
- Description: This is a Haiku I made. I just hope others enjoy it..
- Date: 05/01/2009
- Tags: haiku
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Comments (3 Comments)
- 1 Epic_Bandit 1 - 09/06/2009
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I like it. Lemme take a hack at helping with something to replace exist for one of the lines.
1st line: survives, alive, shimmers, warmth
2nd line: dwelling, caressing, immersed, vigilant, embraced, illumine
if your looking to replace the now i guess you could use "here" instead in the first line. Hope I helped a bit, I'd be interested to hear this haiku if you fix it in case you havent already. I really liked it 5/5 check out mine if you get a chance, im looking for honest critique's aswell ^^ - Report As Spam
- shanice_rocks - 08/09/2009
- The first and second ones had a word repeat so i'm trying to improve it in someway but nothing seems to work...can you help?ANYONE?
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- hallow blood - 05/05/2009
- nice
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