Betrayal

• Artist: Moonlight_Artemis 13
• Description: I wrote this is during a fight between me and my friends and this is how I felt. Hope you like it.
• Date: 04/10/2009
• Tags: betrayal fight hate pain anger

Barriers have risen
Blinded by fury
The past has been damaged
Is it possible to bury?

The pain tatters my core
My soul forever dies
Lies become truth
And truth turns into lies

Crying into darkness
Serenity essence at a halt
A voice echoes around me
"It's all of your fault!"

The consequences created
The price I must pay
Hatred poisons my mind
Agony will eternally stay

In the heart of everything,
Through the open door,
From love's hands, I have fallen
The silent force reigns evermore

Comments

[xXx suicidal_skittles xXx]

That was really good. the rhyme scheme was perfect...every other line rhymed..so its really good. good concept too.

[flauterfli]

Hmm. It was good. I've definitely felt that way before! The only thing is, the rhyme scheme seemed a little off. It jumped around a lot. I suppose that's fine and whatnot, but personally I prefer a staunch scheme.

[Jarmis]

Well, yes, you don't see too many people write in that style, so it's kinda unique. But writing that way is only awesome if you can avoid grammar errors, which were in a few different lines. You have to watch that.

Also, the rhythm was off in a few places. Besides that though, I liked the idea smile

Just try not to lose the meaning of the poem amongst all that fancy wordplay, and you'll be fine.

[Miekka Kuoleman]

i don't see enough present day writing with your style i don't even have unspoken suggestions 5/5