Waves

• Artist: piglet9876543210
• Description: I just thought of it one day when i was at the beach
• Date: 05/30/2009
• Tags: waves

Do you see the waves
Blowing gently in the wind
They look like slaves
Going and going untill the very end

Comments

[Yureiaa Hearts]

...and forth. Think of the relationship between the ocean and the moon.

[Yureiaa Hearts]

For poetry or lyrics, your choice of words is too simple. Each line could be bettered if word choice, syntax, and style were tweaked a little. If you do that, this work would increase in effectiveness and awesomeness tenfold.
And I agree with everyone who mentioned a strangeness in the word "slave." Nature is about balance, and the connotation with the word 'slave' is far from what balance feels like. Plus, I don't believe waves 'blow' gently in the wind. They rock, like a cradle. Back

[sasukeluvr7]

yeah if u think about it the waves r slaves to the moon going and going untill the very end
5/5

[101toiletpaper]

the moon pulls the waves from its own gravity
but it was very lovely poem

[AngelLips96]

it was a lovely poem with such a beautiful metaphor and i believe the poem should stay exactly how it is. i say a 4/5!

[Loreny00]

When I think about it then I find a connection between slaves and waves. Waves have to obey to wind. And that's why I like how you compared them. Still the poem could be longer.

[TheUnknownKayla]

Don't like the slave part. But... eh
1/5