bloody night

• Artist: egiptionhottie111
• Description: blood
• Date: 08/27/2008
• Tags:

bloody night

it was a long time ago not i was just walking doin my thing when i heard a gun shot i started to run as i heard more and more shots all i saw was blood blood and more blood then i heard i few more gun shots and then i had a shock of pearicin pain i was shot at a few times then i started to bleed bleed and bleed and i realized im 15 and im gonna die!! s**t!!!!!!!!!! i felt weeker and weeker and then splat all my blood was drained out.. gone!!!!

next thing i new i found my self pased out and i was dreanched when i went to see wat it was it was blood not just any blood my blood and my arms and legs were hurting me like like hell was it real am i dead am i dreaming i will never know will u??

Comments

[Slinkenhofer]

Short of your grammar and spelling mistakes, this poem wasn't all that good. You have no voice whatsoever, and the result is your piece sounding like an oral report or a new article. It shows no creativity or effort. It's just your average attempt at the macabre by someone who's just looking for an effect and who doesn't truly appreciate this type of literature.

[rozally4ever]

good but practice more

[FoundInSong]

I'm sorry, but have you ever heard of spelling and grammar? Capitalization? Ah, I thought not. Also, it's not exactly 'Poetry and Lyrics', now is it? Sorry to be so blunt, but out of respect for our eyes...!

[xCookieGirl]

sorta confusing..

[deaf_girl14]

it was good but u need to word it better

[Underlying Our Love]

potential...yes, unless it was a fluke; horrible grammar, c'mon girl you can do better than that.

[Nabha]

this really suck...
you actually write as you speak, and its impossible for the reader to read beacuse of the wierd "beat"