• I understand that a lot of people are going to say that I'm just seeking attention, but I really don't care. This is the thought that sits in my mind as I lay awake throughout the night. I own guns. i have thought many times of blowing my brains out. Every day, I look at the 9mm bullet that sits on my dresser. This is the bullet that, if I do decide to kill myself, that I am going to use. Now people tell me all the time that I have a lot to live for. A shot at being a UFC fighter. A long life with a family. I don't deserve a family that loves me. I don't deserve to have a little brother with autism looking up to me. I do deserve to live without a father. A father who, when I was 13, shattered my eye socket. I'm not pleading for attention. I want people, anyone who feels what I feel, that it is much worse for others. I'm lucky to have a mother who cares enough to keep me around. A little brother who keeps me smiling every day. The light in his eyes that I wake up to keeps me from loading that gun. Whoever reads this, it is possible to keep living. You may not think so, you may not even know, but there is someone who loves you. Someone who wants to be with you. Who hopes to get the chance to call you theirs and visa versa. I get, I'm rambling, but regardless, my thoughts are true.