• I feel like my whole world is crumbling away from under my feet. I keep trying to put it back together, but the more work I put into it the more the earth just crumbles away.
    My mom 4 years ago got addicted to her pain medication, my stepdad didnt want to ruin his marriage so he locked himself away and drank from 12 in the afternoon until he went to bed. My mom acted fine toward my little sister but when ever i would try and speak to her i would get a cold stare and voice back to me. my friends at high were drowning me even more with their problems. i couldnt even say what was going on with my because they were always crying to me about petty things. My mom became clean after a while...but i watched her nearly die, be taken away against her will to the hospital and just flat out leave me behind. i sat there one night listening to my parents and how they both wanted to commit suicide, i couldnt do anything. i was such a coward all i could do was beg my mother not to go through with it. i guess what little i did do worked she stuck around. things got better almost back to normal. my best friend from high school called me one night crying on the phone shouting"save him save him" appearantly one of our other friends( my second best friend) was standing on a roof top ready to jump. i kept calling him and calling him finally someone answered. it was a man i never talked to and he said that the owner of that phone jumped. that was the first night in a long time my mother showed any compassion towards me. she stayed up lulling me too sleep that night and told me the next morning that my friend would be fine. i will never know just how fine he was because a few months later i get a text from him telling me how he was going to kill me for not saving him. i had a nightmares about him coming into my house and killing my family id come out of my room and my little sister would be lying on the floor not moving. i didnt hear from frank after that.my mother however did start to abuse her drugs again, this time she would dig holes in the side of her head. big ones to the point where she would have to stop because she would hit her skull. i can still picture the red poch holes her head and she would think its funny to show me the blood all over her fingers. one night i couldnt take it anymore, i just passed out. my mother came into my room and asked me whats wrong with you and do you want to talk about it? i asked her"talk about what? you digging holes in your head or how about how you want to die?" she got 2 inches from my facfe and said"if you werent so selfish i would want to die" and left my room. begging her not to die didnt work this time she just laughed at me, so i did the only thing i could i got angry, that didnt work either. i sat there again helpless, because she refused the hospital. she said"if you call the hospital i will slit my throat and swallow a bottle of pills before they get here." I traveled to california to see my family my dad and his wife and my other siblings, saw how happy they were and how oblivious they were to what i was going through, i wanted to live with them. i went home to tell my stepdad he told me that moving away was selfish and that we were a family and we didnt leave eachother. but i was tired of going to sleep at night wondering if id wake up the next morning to find my mothers corpse. she cleaned up again i dont know how but she did, she was starting to be happy but when she realized i was really moving she wouldnt talk to me and would threaten to leave my stepdad. my grandmother, got on the phone and told her"is that really th way you want your daughter to remember you?". that day my mom came home all smiles, i left for california with everything being fine, my mom came out to visit a few weeks ago. she was doing great and everything was going along as it should be, then i talk to my stepdad and he tells me that she has snapped again. The difference between this time and the last time is that im not there to help...but maybe that's a good thing? i dont know but what i do know is a 7 year old little girl is watching her mother fall apart and daddy isnt man enough to take her out of there...or his he a man for staying throught it and im the coward for running?