• It was assembly day and Katherine was already feeling miserable enough, she had a bad morning, got yelled at by her AP English Literature Composition teacher, and to top it off... She had to sit for an hour and watch the homecoming queen candidates dress like sluts and be popular. Not that Katherine hated them, she just didn't like people who felt like they were better than everyone else. People who made her feel like she didn't deserve to even exist because she was fat and ugly in her own eyes. Oh her family and friends would deny it but she knew she was ugly and fat, they were just being nice to her. She sat with some of her friends and watched the ceremony, giggling with them from time to time, making small jokes. Then some poor guy fell, Katherine couldn't help laughing loudly, she would of laughed if it had even been herself. She didn't mean to seem to cruel, she thought the kid was ok, or playing a joke, but the kid had fainted. Her friends were somewhat mad at her for laughing and Katherine tried to brush it off like she didnt care if she seemed mean, but on the inside she felt terrible. As if her day wasn't already bad enough, right? For the rest of the day through all her periods she tried to get by but the guilt was gnawing in her gut.

    When gym was finally over Katherine was so happy to be heading home, it was her last period so she didn't even bother to change her clothes. Katherine was on the bus and thats when things really went downhill. She was trying to be alone and listen to her music but some girl kept messing with her, Katherine had already felt like cutting herself but was going to wait until she got home. Now she couldn't wait, she was over the edge and failing into the blackness of her soul, she had quit taking her anti-depressants a week before because they were making her worse. Now though, it seems that it didn't matter because she wanted to die either way. Katherine took a razor blade from her purse, she stroked the shiny metal with her fingers. Trying not to cry from her inner grief Katherine turned in a angle where nobody could see her and cut. The first cut stung a little but it quickly left, it was dripping blood and it felt to relieving. Then Katherine cut again and again and again until there was a total of ten cuts on her arm. Each cut had a small river of blood flowing from it, it dripped out onto the floor and made a small puddle. For every drop of blood she felt a release, she didn't want it to stop, she may of even secretly deep sown, wanted to die.

    Katherine watched the blood but it was everywhere, she had to clean it off her arm before she got off the bus so she asked for a tissue, but her friend Stacy didn't have one. Stacy asked Katherine why she needed a tissue and then Katherine started to hyperventilate and have a panic attack. Katherine's arms and hands went numb and she got dizzy. Everyone started yelling for the bus driver to stop, and that's when they noticed the blood. The bus driver stopped the bus and called for a ambulance. Katherine felt terrible, now the kids wouldn't be able to go home and began to cry. They would all hate her and call her a emo and make fun of her. She couldn't stop crying and apologizing even though everyone said it was ok. Some kids left the bus to walk home. Katherine became hysterically and began laughing as she cried, she couldn't stop saying sorry and that she didn't want to go back to the hospital again. This would be her third time being forced into a behavioral center against her will for cutting and suicidal thoughts. The ambulance came and soon after a officer came and they kept questioning her. The officer escorted her to a hospital. After her arm was bandaged she was escorted by the officer to a hospital where Katherine was made to give up her possessions and put on 2 hospital gowns, one for the front one for the back. Then Katherine had to give blood and her arm became bruised very badly in two places from the nurses poking at the needle when it was in her vein. Katherine was terrified of needles and had clutched the pillow to her chest when they did this.

    When Katherine was finally able to go to the Intensive Care Unit for Adults, since she was 18, it was four hours later and she was exhausted. She had to answer more questions and sign papers and she hadn't eaten in two days, she wasn't very hungry and went to bed as soon as she got her room. When Katherine woke up the next day she was scared and quiet, everyone was crazy, the only two normal people was a nice guy in a wheel chair and a nice lady about 30 who was kind and friendly to Katherine. Katherine thought it was ok there, very boring though. They were only allowed to go outside for a cigarette break and then were stuck back up on the second floor with the crazy schizophrenic people and senile old ladies. There was nothing to do at all, if Katherine hadn't had her school books and some normal books she would of gone insane from boredom. Fortunately she was allowed to go home later, they had lifted the baker act off her. She got home but her dad was being kind of a jerk and she was still a little emotionally unstable, she stayed in her room and cried most of the night. She found out that everyone in school knew what happened, that she cut herself on the bus. Katherine didn't regret cutting herself, just that she had lost control and cut herself where someone could see her. She hadn't been thinking, she didn't want anyone to know she cut, she didn't want attention or to be sent back there, all she wanted is a release, and instead she just ruined everything, once again.