• I was walking to school one Friday, with the thoughts of the previous day running through my head. My best friend, Tabitha's school had just been leveled by a tornado. I was hoping she was okay. I knew that many people had been killed while looking for safety. One person had even been impaled on the flagpole.

    I reached school and met with my friend David.

    "Sweetie, what's wrong?" he asked looking at my sad face.

    "It's Tabby." I replied. "I don't know if she's okay."

    He walked with me to our first class, where our teacher lets us stay before school. "I'm sure she's okay." He told me.

    "I know." I thought of our favorite song lyric from the song Vermillion. "I won't let this build up inside of me."

    We kept walking and met up with Taylor, David's boyfriend.

    They hugged and kissed before David told him about Tabby.

    "You haven't heard from her at all, Denise?" he asked.

    I shook my head, "Not at all." I knew I was about to start crying. "I haven't heard anything except the note that she left in my purse at church Wednesday."

    The reason I was so worried about her wasn't that she was my best friend, but because I loved her. In fact I was going to ask her out last night, but she didn't answer her cell phone. I was deeply in love with her.

    When we reached the classroom, Mr. Mathers wasn't there, but the door was open, so we went on in. I pulled my MP3 Player out if my pocket. I put the volume up loud so we all could hear before I turned it on. The song coming out was Vermillion.

    "What did the note say, Denise?" Taylor asked me.

    I held back my tears. "She said that she loved me and couldn't wait to see me tonight." Then I couldn't hold them back anymore. I just started crying.

    David reached and put his arm around me. "Don't cry, honey. She's probably sitting at home glad that she got to miss a day of school."

    I gasped as I breathed in. I didn't cry much, and David and Taylor knew that. Taylor came over and hugged me.

    "Just think, the more you think that she's dead, the fact probably is gonna be that she's not." He said to me.

    I sighed, "Yeah, I know, I know." I sniffled. "I won't let this build up inside of me." I sang as that part of Vermillion came on.

    Taylor looked at me. "Sweetie that's all you need to keep telling yourself." He said to me. "And you shouldn't let it build up inside you."

    David laughed just then. "You know I never thought anything Corey Taylor sang would help us cope with anything."

    I knew David was trying to help me. He always said that to get me to laugh. It always helped, and this time was no different. I laughed and just like every other time that he said that, he said, "Yay! I helped!" making me and Taylor laugh.

    Just then the bell rang, meaning that we had to stop listening to our music, but we could still keep talking.

    People flooded in from outside and started surrounding us. Taylor, David and I stopped talking about Tabitha. We didn't want people sticking their noses where they didn't belong.

    Later that day, during lunch, I met with David again.

    "What's up?" he asked me.

    I sighed. "I can't stop thinking about Tabby." I replied.

    "Denise, don't make me kiss you!" He said to me. "I'm gay. I really don't want to."

    "I'm bi," I said back. "I could care less."

    He looked at me. "Why do you always comeback with that?" he whined.

    "Because it's all I got sometimes." I said in a dull tone.

    Taylor came up, "Is she still depressed?" he whispered to David.

    "I can hear you." I said to him.

    Taylor looked to me. "Sorry chickflick."

    "It's ok." I said. "And to answer your question: yes, I am still depressed."

    Taylor, knowing the way I was sometimes, looked at me and said, "Ok, wrist check"

    I held my hand out to him, knowing that he was gonna be mad because of what was on my wrists. He pushed my shirtsleeve up and looked at my arm then looked back to my eyes, "Denise, why?"

    "Oh come on Taylor, you know I carry my knife with me everywhere." I told him. I pointed to the bloody cuts on my arm, "You knew damn well I was going to do this."

    Taylor kept looking into my eyes, "But why?" he persisted.

    I looked right into his eyes, "What would you do if you were not sure if David was alive?" I knew it would hit a sore spot, but it was all I could think of to use.

    He bit his lip, "I know that it is hard sweetie, but you shouldn't resort to self-mutilation."

    "Taylor," I said, "I love Tabby more than anything." I choked back my tears. "If she's dead, I don't know what I'll do."

    He came closer and kissed my forehead. "Well, we love you, and we really don't wanna follow you if you go to hell," He said, "but we will, if you take your own life."

    The mere thought of them going to hell made me start crying, which I did and as the tears fell I could hear David telling Taylor, "We gotta get her outta here."

    "How are we gonna do that?" Taylor asked David. "I am not sneaking into the girl's bathroom."

    "No." David said. "But we can take her outside at least."

    "Oh please you guys." I said, my tears not falling so much now. "I don't wanna be desecrated today."

    That made Taylor and I start laughing. "I see that through depression," He started, "you can still have a sense of humor."

    David looked confused. "What does desecrate mean?" he asked.

    "It means to violate." I said to him, but he still looked confused. "I meant it as 'I don't want you to rape me' David."

    "Oh, ewwwww! That's nasty!" David said. "Why would I try to rape my best friend?"

    Taylor and I laughed for a few seconds, and then I laid my head back down on the table. "At least it helped for a couple minutes, guys."

    The bell rang. As I was walking back to class, I stopped by the bathroom and went into one of the stalls. I pulled my pocketknife out of my pocket and ran the blade down my wrist harder than ever before. I left the bathroom and when I got to the main hall, I could feel my blood running down my arm again. I pushed my sleeve up and saw that the cut I just made wasn't just a cut; it was a gash. Instead of turning right to go to class, I turned left. I knew just by looking at my wrist I was gonna need a hospital soon, not because this had happened before, but because I could no longer feel my hand.

    I didn't make it to the nurse's office.

    About 6 hours later I found myself in a hospital bed, vision blurry because I had morphine in my body.

    "Finally, I thought you'd never wake up." I heard a familiar voice saying.

    Tabitha.

    I tried my best to move, but my body was too weak. My sight had gotten slightly better when Tabby walked and stood over me.

    "I was so worried about you." I told her.

    She smiled. "I know, but I was more worried about you." She said. "How could you do that to yourself?"

    "I was so sure that I had lost you." I told her. "I love you so much and I don't know what I would do without you."

    She leaned down and kissed me. "I love you too, Denise."

    While I can't talk to Tabby anymore, not a day goes by where I don't think of her. I don't know where she is now, or even if she's still alive, but I know, that she'll always have a place in my heart.