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A house stood in the open scenery. It was a very old house, one that seemed as though it had been there forever. With creaking walls and screeching shutters, it stood erect in the middle of the Arizona desert, while off in the distance, a cloud of dust begins to gather. As it begins to clear, an object could be seen, a car, it seems, has wandered out into the harsh forbidding desert. The car slowly sputters to a stop as it approaches the abandoned home. “Well well, what a sad home out here in the middle of nowhere,” a man says from inside the car. He steps forth from his vehicle gazing upwards at the large an seemingly malevolent house before him, “Anyways, I guess it's a better place to be stranded than out in the middle of the desert,” he sighed to him self, walking up to the house's door. He was a man of average height, and of mild appearance, with short flaxen hair, his attire was, quite simply, plain. With a plain T-Shirt and worn jeans, one wouldn't think so much as to notice him. Reaching the portal, he slowly turned the knob and, after finding it unlocked, opened the door and glanced inside the dusty and dark dwelling. “Oooh, real spooky, I wonder when the ghosts will pop out,” he half-mocked into the darkness, talking to himself to lighten the mood of the dreary building. The man now walked all through the house, looking for food or water or something that might be useful, after he searched through the house, he walked what would be the living area, which (Oddly Enough) was well furnished. As he walked over the rug laid down upon the floor, he heard a sound, a hollow echoing sound, similar to that when one raps on a wooden box. Figuring it's better than standing around in the lonely box, he investigates. Upon lifting up the rug, he finds something unusual for the environment of the harsh Arizonan landscape, a trapdoor. Lifting it open and traveling down the stairs, he finds a small room, with the floor dominated by a large stone slab with a relief depicting an Oak Tree, and with a lever in the middle of the rock, tilted slightly. And, upon this level there was, a snake! A large snake was coiled around the lever, larger than any snake could or should be, and as he stared in wonder at this being, the snake spoke, “Welcome, friend, to The Garden of Eden.”
- by Ryou Ichirou |
- Non Fiction
- | Submitted on 11/19/2008 |
- Skip
- Title: Eden
- Artist: Ryou Ichirou
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Description:
I'd like to mention that I wrote this in language arts class, and though I am rather proud of it, I'd say it isn't the best I can do.
Also, please use constructive criticism, help me improve if you don't like the story instead of pounding me with put downs and such
I'm considering revising, rewriting, or making a sequel to this story; I need opinions if it's a yay or nay on that matter. Try to judge on both my writing skill and the plot's idea.
Anyway, thanks for reading. - Date: 11/19/2008
- Tags: eden gardenofeden thegardenofeden
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Comments (7 Comments)
- lonelykitty13 - 08/22/2010
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this is one of the only stories that kept me reading... i think i got a little lost at the description of the lever and the snake.
but all in all..your amazingly talented..i love the plot and a sequel would be extremely for people like me.. i hate cliff hangers..lol smile - Report As Spam
- RainbowRebel_x - 12/20/2009
- That is amazing!! 5/5 keep it up smile
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- ConsultingHallMonitor - 09/13/2009
- its really good,you should be proud
- Report As Spam
- Caffeinated chump - 05/20/2009
- cool
- Report As Spam
- sikk711 - 03/31/2009
- yo people
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- Black Ski - 01/04/2009
- my favorite.
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