• Chapter Six


    Over the course of the next few months, several events occurred. First, I suddenly grew substantially more popular with my fellow sixteen year old females. I quickly discovered this to be because I was “so lucky to have such a handsome man with me all the time!” I did, of course, point out that that “handsome man” was forty-three years old and old enough to be their father. My very valid point had no effect on them whatsoever, and I turned, rolled my eyes, and brushed past Viktor to my next class. Eventually I gave up trying to make them all see sense. Viktor grew increasingly amused and my increasing exasperation at their hopelessness, and he seemed entirely unbothered by the huddles of girls whispering, giggling, and shooting adoring glances his way. I envied him his temperament as my exasperation moved on to annoyance, then to frustration, and finally to I’m-going-to-strangle-the-next-person-to-say-anything-about-“my”-handsome-man. I was never so grateful as when the novelty of Viktor gradually wore off and most of them left me alone.

    Second, Viktor and I became rather good friends. He dubbed me Gem, due to my green eyes, a brighter shade than emerald. I supposed I had started to dislike him a little less on that day he took me to see Claire. Over time, as I showed no signs of rebellion, he began to trust me enough to move his bedding into the far corner of the kitchen. I think we both enjoyed the added bit privacy as we slept. He complained that I snored too much. I say he lies.

    Viktor also trusted me enough to bring me a long, very thick rope, which I tied knots in every three feet. This took a bit of persuading on my part. He knew immediately what I wanted it for, without my having to say anything at all, and he’d sternly refused right away.

    “You are absolutely not climbing through a third-story window on a piece of rope!” He’d been on the verge of yelling, more from shock at my obvious stupidity and lack of common sense than from real anger.

    I’d felt a small glimmer of satisfaction at managing to actually make him raise his voice, but I’d clasped my hands in front of me and looked up at him through my eyelashes with the biggest, saddest, most hopeful look I could muster. “Please, Viktor? I’ll be careful. I’ll only use it to see Noah.”

    “And why can’t you see Noah at normal times, like normal people?” he’d asked grumpily, but I’d known I was winning.

    And I did. Viktor had grudgingly gotten me the rope, though he made me tie myself to him with another rope in case I fell. I’d known he’d been risking his job for me, so he got a big hug and a thrilled squeal from me. And, after I did almost fall, he managed to find me an actual rope ladder that I stored under my bed so it wouldn’t be found.

    Third, I got to know Noah’s friend Li. Li was the one with the long black ponytail Claire and I had seen at the start of winter. His hair was almost like mine, silky and black, but he’d cut it shorter than when I first saw him, so now it only reached to his shoulders. He usually wore it combed back from his face and down, with a single wisp from the center front curving down over his forehead. He was tall, much taller than Noah, at 6’8”, and thin. He would have been handsome if not for character. His dark, almond-shaped eyes were always cold, his demeanour aloof, and he had a way of looking at people like they were an unwanted piece of furniture shoved back into a dusty corner , an eyesore that everyone would do better without. He came across as someone with a very unsettling, sardonic personality. Needless to say, I avoided his company whenever possible.

    Claire still hadn’t forgiven me, or if she had, she showed no signs of it. She never said a word to me, never made eye contact with me, never came within a few feet of me unless she had no choice. At those few times, she stood stiffly and refused to look me in the eye. This was the longest period of time she’d been so upset with me. I’d given up trying to regain what we had long ago. Our icicle had melted. But I still hoped she’d come back to me eventually.

    The scientists in the white lab coats came as they always did, right on schedule, needles in hand. Often, when they were injecting their mystery fluid into my arm, I remembered rebelling. I remembered being backed into a corner, panicking, with nowhere to go. Sometimes, I thought about trying it again, only, you know, actually thinking it through. But then I remembered how far it had gotten me last time, and I knew it would get me no farther this time. Besides, this place didn’t seem all that bad anymore, especially now that I had Noah. There was also Viktor. If I were to manage to escape, what would happen to him? The cow and her herd would know he’d been easy on his duties and what then? I didn’t want Viktor to get in trouble with his boss.

    Most days were spent with Noah. Sometimes we went on slow strolls through the grounds, other times we found some pleasant spots for a picnic. He showed me a tranquil little pond hidden in one of the patches of forest that was tucked in a rarely travelled corner. It was at the bottom of a miniature valley, a bowl really, and concealed by the undergrowth of the forest. It became our place.

    The weather grew warmer, and one night in June I slid the window up, hooked the rope ladder onto the windowsill, and watched it unravel thirty feet down. Then I carefully threw a leg over the sill, found purchase on a rung, and made my way down to the ground. I walked silently along the dirt path to the gate, where I knew Noah was on watch tonight. We always planned our outings beforehand, but tonight I couldn’t find the patience to wait. Naturally, I’d been thinking of my still broken friendship with Claire, and I needed to be with Noah to feel better.

    I followed the same path through the same forest that I’d gone through over six months ago with Claire, when I’d first revealed my plan to escape. This time, though, rather than following the path right to the edge of the trees and crossing the lawn, I turned off the trail and followed the tree line to the wall, where a thin stretch of forest offered enough cover to reach the gate without being noticed by unwanted eyes. Drawing closer to the gate, and to Noah, I suppressed the urge to run. After all, I wasn’t sure who else would be on duty tonight. It was usually Li, Noah had told me, but I couldn’t base any guarantees on that. It could just as easily be someone else, someone who didn’t know me, who would rat on us as readily as a bird would snatch a worm from the ground—with no hesitation.

    So I crept through the undergrowth as silently as possible placing each foot carefully in front of the other. When I finally reached the farthest point of concealment, I peered out from behind the bushes at the two figures at the gate. They were scarcely fifteen feet away from me now. Noah was on the side closest to me, and on the other side was Li, as I’d hoped it would be. As far as I was concerned, Li was a creep, but he was Noah’s friend—who knows why; they’re nothing alike—and it was far better that a friend be there than a stranger. They were dimly illuminated by a lamp on the wall above each of their heads, but the lights weren’t so bright that I could see their expressions.

    I took a single step forward, a relieved smile on my face, and was halfway through a second when I heard Li’s voice calling across the open space.

    “How much longer does that kid need to hang around?” I didn’t need to see his face to know he was sneering with contempt. I could hear it in his voice, and I stumbled forward at the sound of it. He wasn’t talking about me, was he?

    Catching myself on the trunk of a tree before falling flat on my face, I held my breath and hoped they hadn’t heard me. Apparently they hadn’t, because Noah was answering with a laugh in his words, “Which one?”

    I frowned, my hand still on the rough bark of the tree. Their faces were hidden in the dark, so I couldn’t see the expression on Noah’s face. He was joking, wasn’t he? He must have been. He was just playing along.

    But Li continued in all seriousness, like Noah hadn’t been humouring him in any way, “The clingy one with the freakishly green eyes.”

    They were talking about me. There was no question about that. In a way, I felt guilty for eavesdropping like this, but I had to know what Noah would say. Would he defend me? Would he tell Li he loved me and I was here to stay? I leaned forward to catch every word of Noah’s reply. I saw his shoulders lift in a shrug.

    “I can’t dump her right now.” His tone made it sound like he wanted to and the wording of his answer left no doubt. I swallowed, hoping I was simply misinterpreting. Soon one of them would say something that gave evidence of that. Maybe they somehow knew I was here, and any minute now they would look at me with big smiles on their faces and yell, “Just kidding!”
    I heard a crackling voice over one of their walkie-talkies, and Noah reached down to his belt and pulled his out. “Say that again?” he said into the device. His voice sounded startled.
    I couldn’t hear the response from the person at the other end, so I took the risk of slipping out from behind the bush. I moved silently forward a few steps, making sure to keep inside the black shadows of the trees.

    “She’s what?” Noah practically yelled. The fear and pure fury in his voice startled me, but I was too shocked by the conversation I’d overheard to flinch. “Why didn’t you tell me she was coming?” he hissed in a quieter but equally infuriated voice.

    Whoever was on the other end of the conversation was angry, too. “We assumed you knew! We gave you that tracking GPS for a reason. Use it once in a while, would you?”

    Unconsciously, I moved my hand to my left arm and felt the small lump under my skin. Somehow I’d forgotten about the tracker.

    Noah didn’t answer, but shoved the walkie-talkie back into his belt and pulled something else out. He looked at it and swore. He must have seen how close I was. He held it at his side, where he could probably still see it but it was out of sight from my vantage point. He stood as if nothing happened, most likely hoping I hadn’t been there long enough to hear or see anything. Did he think I was that much of an idiot? Tears of anger began to fill my eyes, but I blinked them away and turned back to the forest. I knew I hadn’t made a sound, but Noah called out threateningly, “Who’s there?”

    I froze, set my jaw, and straightened my back as I turned again and faced him. He was staring into the gloom of the trees as though he didn’t know my exact position. I felt like I was burning with rage. “I think you know who it is,” I answered, making no effort to hide the hatred I was feeling. “I think they made that quite clear, don’t you?”

    Noah stepped towards me. “Ashta?” He was still trying to fake it.

    I walked towards him and stepped out of the obscurity of the foliage. “Surprise!” I exclaimed sarcastically. “But you already knew I was here. Guess my surprise is ruined. What a shame.”
    He left his post and came towards me. “Ash, what are you talking about? And why are you here?” He stopped in front of me and reached out a hand to touch my arm.

    I jerked back from his touch. “You’re quite the actor, aren’t you? You definitely had me fooled. I actually thought you liked being with me, but you didn’t, did you? You just did it because you were hired to. It was just another job.”

    “Ash-“

    “How many other girls have you pulled this on, huh? Made them fall for you, then kept them chasing after you until you were told to ditch them?”

    “Where are you getting these insane ideas?” He asked with that smile that had always made me melt. Now it just made me madder. He was trying to charm his way out of it, but it wasn’t going to work this time.

    “Don’t give me that. I’m not an idiot. I heard everything. You were hired to act like you loved me—or at least liked me—just to keep me in my place. Tame the rebel. Well, it worked. Bet you’re proud of yourself now.”

    Noah sighed resignedly and put a thumb and finger to his forehead. “Okay, yeah, it might have started like that, but that’s not how it is now.” He looked into my eyes and took my hands in his. “I love you, Ashta. Please believe me. Trust me.”

    Looking into those coffee-coloured eyes, I could almost believe him. After several seconds, I snarled, “You don’t deserve my trust.” I pulled my hands away and started back to my rope ladder.

    “Ashta!” he called after me, and I felt his hand on my shoulder. Without thinking, I whipped around and backhanded him across the face. My eyes widened slightly at the realization of what I’d done, but there was no sliver of me that regretted it. He put a hand to his face in disbelief, looking like he hardly comprehended what had just happened.

    I spun around and stalked across the grass towards my ladder, my window, and my room. Before I was out of earshot, I heard Li laugh and tell Noah, “You’re going to get in so much crap with Brent.”

    ~*~


    As I walked through the night, I kicked at the ground. The anger had worn off and now all I felt was pure misery. I couldn’t believe the last six months had been… nothing. It had all been nothing to him, while it had meant everything to me. I put a hand on one of the rope-rungs on my ladder, and I remembered the fight I’d had with Claire half a year ago.

    Why can’t you be happy with what you have?
    Because everything I have is a lie.
    So you’re saying we are a lie? That our entire friendship is a lie?
    No, no, Claire, that’s not what I meant…

    Finally, after so long, I knew how she’d felt back then. The hurt and betrayal was wrenching me apart. To know that this was how I’d made someone else, my own best friend, feel added to the massive weight on my shoulders. Feeling far lower than I had when I had left, I put my foot on the ladder and dragged myself up to my window. I poked my head up over the sill, grabbed the ledge, and pulled myself over with practiced ease, hardly even needing to think about it anymore. After climbing up and down countless times, the thirty feet to the earth was nothing. I took off my shoes and pushed them aside, then wound up the rope, unhooked it from the sill, and shoved it back under my bed. I wondered if I would need to use it again; I definitely wasn’t going to be using it to see Noah anymore.

    I turned my bedside clock so I could see the time. Only 11:30. I turned it back, picked up my shoes and placed them against the wall by the door, and looked around for Viktor. Usually he was still awake, waiting for me to come back safely. Tonight I hadn’t seen him. I walked across the room and peered into the kitchen. His cot was folded up in the corner with his blankets folded neatly next to it. I frowned. This was strange. Where did he go?

    I didn’t worry too much about it, though. He would come back soon.

    I walked back across the midnight blue carpet to my dresser and pulled out a pair of pyjamas. I slipped out of my clothes and pulled the pyjamas on, then climbed under the covers of my bed and closed my eyes. A tear slid down to my pillow and soaked into the yellow fabric of the case. I didn’t think I would be able to fall asleep, but I did after I had to time to wonder if Viktor was only leading me on as well.

    ~*~


    I was dragged back into consciousness by the sound of the door flinging open and hurried steps moving across the room. “Viktor?” I croaked sleepily, cracking my eyes open and stretching. “You should take your shoes off at the door. You’re getting shoeprints all over my carpet.” He gave no answer. I watched him go across to my dresser and start flinging open drawers, digging through my clothes and stuffing some into a backpack. “What are you doing?” I sat up and rubbed an eye while yawning. I squinted at the clock to see it was one in the morning.

    He answered by tossing a shirt and a pair of jeans at me. “Hurry and put these on.”

    I looked at the clothes in my lap dumbly then looked up at him curiously. He had his serious face on, and he was packing my things into the bag with an obvious sense of urgency. He moved into the kitchen to pack food. “Viktor, what’s going on?” I called worriedly.

    He poked his head around the doorway, a scowl fixed on his face. “Just do what I tell you and keep it down, all right? And for goodness sake, hurry up.” He disappeared again and I heard cupboard doors opening and closing, the crinkle of packages, and his boots on the linoleum floor as he moved from cupboard to cupboard.

    He hadn’t called me Gem this time. Whatever this was, I knew it was serious. I stood, bewildered, and hurriedly switched the pyjamas for the jeans and shirt he’d thrown me.

    He reappeared and plunked the backpack down on my bed. He counted items off on his fingers, his lips moving silently as he sifted through some mental list. His eyebrows were drawn together in a frown and his blue eyes glittered with decisiveness and fear. Clearly something very serious had happened. Viktor usually hid such feelings behind laughter and jokes, to keep me from worrying, I supposed.

    I walked over and laid a hand on his arm. “Viktor, tell me what’s going on.” My voice was gentle but I spoke slowly to give my words a sharp edge.

    He didn’t reply until he finished counting his list on his fingers. Then he nodded to himself and zipped the bag closed. “Get the ladder,” he ordered.

    “But-“

    “Get the ladder!”

    I did as I was told, and he took it from me and hooked it onto the windowsill. He came back and lifted the backpack. “Put this on.”

    “Where are we going?” I asked as I obediently hoisted the straps onto my shoulders.

    “You’re getting out of here.”

    “What? Why? What happened?”

    He put a hand on my neck and propelled me towards the window. Then he turned me around and gazed into my eyes sadly but determinedly. He was down on one knee so we were closer to eye level, though he was a little shorter than I was now. I looked down at his intense stare. For some reason all this made me feel like I wanted to cry and I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.

    “I overheard something I shouldn’t have. They know you found out about Noah. That plan of theirs has backfired, so they made a more permanent fix.”

    “What is it?” A feeling of dread blossomed in my gut.

    “They want to wipe your memory.”

    “What?” I shrieked.

    “Shush!” He slapped a hand over my mouth before I could scream anything else. He glanced over his shoulder at the door and back at me. Taking his hand off my mouth, he continued in a rush, “It’s an experimental fluid they inject into your carotid artery, which carries it to your brain. To put it simply, once it gets there it attacks your memories. It’s never been used before. Brent hopes-“

    That name again. “Who’s Brent?” I interrupted.

    “Doctor Madison Brent,” he answered, and gave me something that resembled a smile for the first time tonight. “Remember The Cow?”

    My mind flew back to the night I saw her standing at the foot of my bed, and a fresh wave of hatred washed over me. “The Cow suits her better,” I muttered, despite the dark mood in my room.

    Viktor switched back into serious mode. “No one knows if this drug will work or if it will render you brain dead. It might just kill you.”

    I blinked.

    “They’re on their way here as we speak. Do you get it now, why it’s imperative that you leave?” He shook my shoulders once to drive his point home.

    I nodded dumbly, unable to make myself speak.

    “Good. Everything you need is in that bag. I’ve given you enough supplies to last a week. So rationalize. There’s a compass in the side pocket. Follow it west and you’ll find the nearest city. There’s some money in the outside pocket you can use to restock your supplies.”

    “What’s the city look like?”

    “You’ll know it when you reach it. Now, when you reach the ground, go straight ahead to the northern wall. There’s an old tree there that you can climb- I think it’s an oak; you should be able to reach the top of the wall from its branches. The ground on the other side is higher than the ground on this side, so it’s safe to jump.” He started counting something off on his fingers again, mumbling incoherently. He looked up at me again. “That’s all I can tell you, except be careful out there.”

    “What about you?” I squeaked past the lump in my throat that had returned with a vengeance as I listened to what he was saying.

    He put his hands on my shoulders. “I need to stay here and make sure you get away from the building safely.”

    “But… You’ll get in trouble.” The tears welled up in my eyes. It sounded childish, but it was all I could manage.

    Viktor smiled sadly. “Something like that.”

    I stared into his eyes, searching for something not even I could identify. I had pictured my escape a million and one times, but it had never, ever gone like this.

    I flung my arms around his neck and the tears spilled over. I sobbed onto his shoulder and he wrapped his strong arms around me tightly. When he finally pushed me away, even his own eyes were brimming with tears. “Get going,” he whispered. “There’s no more time to lose.”
    I wiped the tears off one side of my face. “You can come with me. We’ll go together. Come on, you can’t leave me on my own.” I choked on another sob. “I can’t leave you here.” But even as I suggested it, I knew it couldn’t happen. We’d already wasted too much time. But there was still that small sliver of hope that we could make it. “Please…”

    He shook his head and stood up. He turned me to face the window. “Go.” In that one, single, quivering word I heard all the pent up emotion he was feeling.

    I stepped over the edge onto a rung, then swung my other leg over. I went down a few steps and stopped, staring in at my bodyguard, my guardian, my father. He smiled again in an attempt for cheerfulness, but it was weak, and he gave a small wave.

    “Gem. Don’t worry about me, okay? I’ll be all right,” he said softly.

    I smiled just as weakly as him, lifted a hand to wave back, and made the hardest step I had made in my life down that ladder. I had only gotten halfway down when I heard muffled voices floating down to me from the open window above. Then there was absolute silence. Nothing else could be heard from this distance. What had they done to him? Were they going to erase his memory, too? I bit down on a finger to stifle a cry at the thought, and a fresh wave of tears flowed down my cheeks as I lowered myself to the ground and ran across the open space to the north wall.