• My father and his girlfriend are major bible thumpers. My father comes from a family that prays before dinner and reads the bible after dinner every night and his girlfriend was born and raised in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, which is right in the middle of the bible belt. Because of this, they have particular views on peculiar subjects.

    Every second week-end I hop on a bus and go to my dad's place. It's pretty cramped there, but it has a big, leather couch and a 42" television that I spend the majority of my time there watching. On a whim, I decided to watch The Ellen Degeneres Show and about half-way through the show my dad's girlfriend strolled in and leaned against the frame of the living room's entrance. She had been drinking and her cheeks held a soft red blush, darker than the make-up she'd put on earlier.

    "You're watching Ellen?" She said, her accent hardly noticeable. She'd worked hard to get rid of it during her years in Winnipeg because Canadians as a whole tend to laugh at Americans, especially if they happen to be a "red neck", and she couldn't handle the abuse.

    "Yeah."

    She glanced from me to the television and raised an eyebrow. "She's gay, you know."

    Just as I opened my mouth to respond with something clever, I remembered the last time she was buzzed and how emotional she could get in this state, so I reconsidered and voiced the singular word, "so?"

    The look she gave me made my cheeks flush and my palms sweat. She had narrowed her eyes as if examining a foreign object and her nose crinkled in distaste as if there was a terrible smell right under her nose. It was a look of complete disgust.

    "Are you a dyke?" She put so much emphasis on the 'dyke' it sounded as if she were accusing me of murder. I hesitated.

    I managed to croak out "no," but winced when it came out sounding like a question.

    My eyes were glued to the television while she spoke. "Good! Although, you do fit every stereotype," she teased.

    "I'm afraid of almost every bug and I have absolutely no idea how to change a tire."

    "I hereby deem you straight," she smiled. I laughed. Acting seems to be my forte.