• Do you remember that night, Ari?
    The night we sat on the beach, under the stars, drunk out of our minds as we confessed every wish, every last desire in our hearts?

    "I love you..." you whispered, turning your face towards me, your dark green orbs seeking out my own hopeful grey ones.
    "I...love you too..." the words made my lips tingle, I'd never spoken more honestly, "I love you...in so many ways Ari..." I admitted, gulping back unshod tears and nervousness. But then...the world became a daze when I felt your soft but firm, perfect lips against my own, then your words hushed in my ear as you held my shivering body close to yours. "I know..."

    Five hundred and ninety-seven days.
    That's how long its been since the day I realised I loved you as more than just a friend, more than just a brother. More than just...anyone.

    Its also the number of days older than me you are, though it can be simplified to 1 year, 7 months and 20 days...
    and the number of minutes I cried for you, when you delivered your harsh words the next day.

    You shook me awake, and it took me a moment to remember we were still laying on the beach, only a moment though then I was smiling up at you, remembering everything that had happened. Then I saw your face.
    I'd never seen you so angry or sad, Ari...even when your hamster died when you were five and I was four, you cried buckets and I cried with you...but this was different.
    "Last night never happened Ryan, the words we said were never said. The kiss never happened, confessions never happened. It was all a dream." You said, each word killing me like bullets being shot into my heart. I shook my head, blinded by tears but you hushed me. "We can never be openly together, and secrets never last..." you whispered.
    I hated you then, hated how you were so logical and brutally honest. Hated how I couldn't deny the facts, you were right. You always were.

    I miss you Ari. Its been five hundred and ninety-seven seconds since me and daddy got the letter, and longer since I last saw you. I love you, yet I hate you for leaving me. You became a soldier and died in battle, you always wrote to me and yet it was only in your last letter you said I love you. That's how I knew, Ari. I knew you were going to die, and I knew you knew it too. I've read it five hundred and ninety-seven times, Ari and I know it by heart.

    Ry,
    I'm sorry for everything. I miss you so much, if and when I return I will
    make it all up to you I promise. I'll show you the cherry blossoms
    and we can go back to the beach and lie under the stars like last time.

    I hate it here, but I don't regret signing up for it. I met this guy, his
    names Jack...I watched him die yesterday and I didn't feel a thing
    even though we were good friends. Now I know, I'm not afraid.....

    I love you Ry.

    / Ari.

    I went to the park Ari, I saw the cherry blossoms then went to the beach and laid alone under the stars. I felt you there and thought, and remembered the last thing you ever said to me.

    "Ryan, I'm gonna miss you kiddo..." You murmured into my ebony hair, as I sobbed into your chest, begging you not to leave me here. Alone. "Please..." I whispered, "at least wait a couple of years...you can't leave me...not now!" I was hysterical, but desperate. All I could do was cling to you and pray you'd change your mind.
    But you didn't.
    "I love you Ry, I shouldn't say it but I have to...I'll write, and I'll even call when I can..." your promises made me dizzy, and I knew it wasn't enough for either of us. "I love you too Ari" I whispered, then the next thing I knew...you were gone.

    I opened the parcel left for me, the one you left me in your will. I couldn't help wondering when you wrote one, but that was one question that would never be answered. I ran upstairs, not wanting dad to see the contents of your "gift" and opened it in the privacy of our room....I still say our even though you've gone.
    At first, I didn't recognise the thick, leather-bound journal that fell onto my bed, and the golden key that followed. But when I opened it I did.
    Every day since the day you joined the army, you wrote three lines until the day you died. In total there should have been five hundred and ninety six lines, but there wasn't. There was one extra, hidden right in the corner of the last page.

    That night happened, those words were said. The kiss happened, the confessions happened, I just wish things could have been different.