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Prologue
I run as fast as I can. They’re after me. Those horrible people. My body trembles for I’m scared and it’s cold. Winter has come which is the coldest season. My legs aren’t very long so I’m trying to run at my top speed. I can hear their shouts now, they are catching up. I push faster breathing heavily.
“Oh god damn it,” I mutter as a snowflake falls on my face melting since my body tempature is hot.
More snowflakes fall now and they are falling a lot faster. I bite my lower lip as I quicken my run. I can see my breath, a cloud of smoke, white almost transparent. I jumped past a few bushes catching leaves in my coat but no time to worry about this right now. Their footsteps can be heard now. Making loud stomps in the snow.
“Must run, must run…” I whisper as I breathe on my hands which were growing abnormally pale.
Paler than a vampire. My skin was colder than any ice. I pant as I hide behind a tree. My head pokes out as I see the many feet come charging through. I go back into hiding, my heart pounding.
Their eyes had looked angry. Some looked hungry for blood. Some had been ready for revenge. I shook my head as I got up and tip-toed away. As I get up, I look up at the tree. Squirrels jump from tree branch to tree branch. Their gray bushy tails quite noticeable since the pines leaves were dark green. A mother was giving nuts to her babies. I look up longingly at the mother.
A memory is shown.
I see a woman holding me tightly in her arms. She is smiling and her black hair is touching my face. I’m playing with it think it was a toy. She smirked and gave me a loving kiss on the head.
“My sweet girl,” she said to me as I gave a small smile.
I shake away the image as I sigh. I quietly walked away. That is until I stepped on a twig.
“CRACK!” went the twig as a man turned around and yelled. I started off.
The background was blurry with snow and with the speed I was going at. My heart was screaming for air but my legs continued to move, not wanting to stop. Their footsteps were loud getting louder every second. Their breathing and cursing were catching to my ears.
I coughed and tried to breathe so my heart wouldn’t hurt so much but it wasn’t helping much since I was still running quickly. Snow went down faster than the wind was hitting my face. I shook my head but it didn’t help much. Lots of snow was on the ground now, making it hard for me to run. But I pushed on not wanting to deal with them catching me.
I took a step and fell in the snow. I didn’t know what I did but I couldn’t get up. My leg had been twisted so I couldn’t get up without screaming in pain. They would catch me now, no doubt about it. Atleast…I would see her in heaven.
Men’s feet were in front of me. I didn’t dare look up. I could here a few whispers before there was a sound of a blade being taken out. They were going to kill me right on the spot. Just great. My lips tremble as I’m ready for my fate to fall upon me. My breath quickens but I don’t move. The ax is risen above me and just when I’m ready for it to slash right through my stomach, I growl.
I jerk out of the way before it even gets to the ground. My eyes glow piercing amber and a dark grin forms on my face. Fangs slowly grow and I stare at the men. I can see their digusted at me but who cares. Was that fear in their eyes? Perfect, it would make the meal tastier. I dart from one side to the other at quick speed. Large black wings sprout, blood seemed to roll down on my wings.
I make a tiny growl before jumping. My eyes look hungry as the men tried to dart out of the way. To bad one of them wasn’t fast enough. Their screaming filled the air as I stared at my victim. He was calling for help as I snickered. My mouth opened as their was ear-splitting scream. It was silenced as I ripped off his head chewing quietly. Blood was rolling from the mouth and I could here the bones crunching in my mouth. His flesh was okay but not the best.
I continued to eat till I had my fill. I smiled happily as I close my eyes. And when I open them again, they were back to normal, everything was. Well sort of. My mouth was bloody, my body trembling as I stared looking out at the distant.
“Oh no….” I whisper as my hands catch me from falling.
I was staring at the ground, my eyes filled with fear. Bones of the man were still there. But only so few. My heart was normal but my brain was filled with only one thing, fear. For these were what the men wanted to get at. The thing in me. The thing that had been killing people. The desire to eat human flesh had been growing in me since I was young.
Those men had been trying to get me. For they wanted nothing more. But to kill that monster.
And that monster was me.
- by Nolongerherefor3months |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 11/02/2009 |
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- Title: Bloody Monster: Prologue
- Artist: Nolongerherefor3months
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Description:
Hello. This is the first installment of the story bloody monster.
I had fun writing although I was shivering most of the time at one part in this prologue. Though, I wish I was longer. xP
Please rate and comment. <3 - Date: 11/02/2009
- Tags: bloody monster prologue
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Comments (6 Comments)
- PaperSongs - 02/04/2010
- That's as far as I got. You seemed pretty serious about writing, though, so I figured I'd stop in and... yeah, well, as you can see. You don't really have to take my advice. It doesn't make me no never mind.
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- PaperSongs - 02/04/2010
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'...as a snowflake falls on my face melting since my body tempature is hot.'
Again with the useless stuff. -You're not likely to see a snowflake on the run much less feel it when you're on the run. Perhaps something about feeling it melt against the main characters skin - but even that's pushing it. I would be inclined to write about noticing a few flakes at a short distance and then the whole thick and fast bit.
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- PaperSongs - 02/04/2010
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'I push faster breathing heavily'
I push harder, breathing heavily.
I push harder, my breathing is heavy. - Report As Spam
- PaperSongs - 02/04/2010
- 'My legs aren’t very long so I’m trying to run at my top speed.' - totally useless sentence. You need to find some other way to suggest how short the character is. Don't feel compelled to start cramming physical appearance in there.
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- PaperSongs - 02/04/2010
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I didn't finish it. You get points for grammar, though.
Want some constructive feedback? You've got some stuff in there you don't need. 'Winter has come which is the coldest season' was the first really obvious one. You could change it to 'the chill winter air pressed in on me' or 'the chill winter air numbed me as I ran' or something if you want to make the reader aware it's winter. - Report As Spam
- Shinedown_grlie - 11/23/2009
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Thats really good imagry you put in there. I like the suspence in the end.
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