• The speedometer quickly drops to a crawl as it comes into view, the town where it all began. It’s been a year since I have been here; the trees still close in around it leaving a wild feel to the small town long before I reach the welcome sign. I pull up in front of the sign and kill the engine. I read the sign, welcome to Springdale Washington. Ugh population 200 and that include the live stock, I laugh to myself.
    Smelling the incoming rain on the breeze I run back to the car and pull away just as it starts to pour. Nothings changed I sigh as the little row of businesses comes into view. The things that have kept this town up and running, two bars and a store. I see the laundry mat has been closed down again, that things never stayed open for more then a year.
    I turn north in front of the store and head up the hill. Looking out the side of the car, I see that the pond still isn’t finished. The small patch of water still surrounded by pieces of warp lumber stares back at me like a bad memory, the headache it’s giving me drives me on toward my destination even harder.
    Slowly the houses of the northern residential area pass by my window as I make it to the intersection facing the school entrance. There’s the place that gave me some of the worst days of my life, along with some of the best. I turn down that road passing the houses of some of my old friends who have all moved on with their lives.
    I turn again before I end up heading towards the school, towards the buss depot. Reaching my final turn, I sped around the corner spitting rocks everywhere behind me. Up ahead my old drive way comes into view as it curves down hill towards my parents’ house. Part of me can’t believe that I have returned to this placed that I cursed so much in my youth. It was here it all began, right in this very house that my new life started…




    CH. 1

    The old me,
    Falling apart







    Thick and heavy, pours the rain, from a dark, endless cloud over head. The gravel beneath my feet crunches as I walk along the road. I guess it’s usual for Springdale to seem gloomy even in the rain. The trees on the side of the street groan a little as the wind of the present storm pushes through it.
    The street I walk begins to climb into a hill as I pass a light yellow house on the corner of the block. Along the side of the street, a small stream of water races downs the hill, cutting in to the soft sand. At the top of the hill is a large green house, its there that a girl I call my life lives. In front of the house, cars are parked facing up hill. Slowly I crept around to the back of the house; here the short back yard falls down a steep hill.
    Three large windows line the back wall of the house; two of these windows are covered in thick clear plastic. From the third window, a small latter hangs conveniently. Its to this window I travel, it is here her sweet lips call to me. Through the window I climb, to her side as she lays sleeping. The rain outside sings a gentle lullaby. I lean forward brushing my lips across hers; quietly she stirs, waking from her dreams. A smooth hand runs along my neck, as sweet kisses are laid on my lips.
    “Good morning my sweet prince,” she whispers as she stretches in my arms. Slowly she fills my lunges as I breath deep the morning air.
    “That it is, my dear lyra. Were your dreams pleasant?” I chuckle as she yawns cutely in my ear.
    “As pleasant as heaven, seeing you were in them.” She laughs groggily. Rigid from sleep, she pulls herself to me and holds tight to my body.
    Gently I rise from the bed with her in my arms and begin to rock her like a baby. In my arms, her small frame is exaggerated by my overwhelming size. I stand 6 foot 7 inches, so when compared to her, at only 5 foot I seem to either be a giant on a grand scale or have an extreme fetish for small women. She nuzzles into my neck as I continue to rock her sweetly. Quietly I begin to hum the lullaby I wrote her when we first met.
    Down the hall her sisters can be heard arguing, over what I can’t say. Suddenly foot steps come to the door of her room. “Good morning markus, you know you could have used the front door?” Nancy, Lyras’ mother says through the door.
    I chuckle to myself, “What, and risk you waking her? I don’t think so.” I walk to the door, carrying a sleeping Lyra in my arms, and gently opening the door. “why do you think I would want to risk this?” I stand at the door, rocking back and forth.
    Nancy, admiring her daughter as she sleeps in my arms, nuzzled into my neck, laughs. “ I see what you mean, I never see her that peaceful, unless your holding her anymore. I really am glad that she met you, her guardian angel.”
    Just as she says that, I imagin large white wings stretching from my back, and a halo nestled atop my head. I could see what she meant though, from what they tell me, lyra had trouble with abusive boyfriends. Then I come along, sweet and kind, loving her like she should be loved. I mean here I am holding her like a child in my arms as she sleeps so sound.
    “Anyways, there is breakfast on the table if your hungry.”
    Nancy is always so nice to me, I would think of moving if that didn’t make my family so hostile. I mean for me to have to sneak out in the middle of a rain storm this bad to see lyra is really bad.the door closes behind me as I walk to the bed and set lyra gently at the back of the bed and find a comfortable spot beside her to rest my head.
    I lay there for a while running my fingers through her hair till sleep finally finds me. My dreams are filled with beautiful images of me carrying lyra through the sky with my large angel wings. The clouds rush acrossed my wings as we cut through the sky.
    Quickly the clouds turn to a dark storm all around us as lyra disappears and her screams begin to echo in my mind. I jerk awake as the screams become real to me. Where is she, she was right next to me when I passed out.
    “MARKUS!!!” come her screams from outside of the room.
    I sprint to the door wrenching it open to see Nancy on the couch holding her face and Lyra being drug out the door by her hair. A small thick man with a handful of lyras hair in his hands stands staring at me.
    “What are you doing here boy,” the barks as I assess the situation. Sharply he wrenches on her hair pulls some from her scalp. Her scream rings in my ears.
    Stopping thought, I drop every bit of joy I hold dear to me as I take to beating the man away from Lyra. One after another, each blow driving the man deeper into the broken floor. “What gives you the right to come in here and do this to the people I love. HUH!!”Another blow land in his face as he tries to plea.
    Roughly I grab the man by the hair on his head, the hair caked thick with his blood. I pull him from the house, out the back door and throw him down the steep incline of the back yard hill. I hear him slam into many trees before rolling into the shallow water behind the mayors’ house at the bottom of the hill.
    Rubbing my fists I walk back into the house to find Lyra and her sisters at nancys side. The younger sobbing as there mother sit there in pain .slowly Lyra sees me walk-in and kneel next Nancy. “I’m sorry I didn’t wake up sooner, maybe all that would have happen was his getting the treatment I just gave him.” slowly Lyra begins to cry, streams fall from her beautiful eyes now swollen with tears.
    Feeling the air around me in the quiet sobs I get up and walk to the back door. I stand there staring out passed the city skyline to the thoughts in my mind. It was always easy for me to fight, by a matter of fact i'm not the lonely one saving someone from themselves in this relationship. The night that I and Lyra met was the last day I really hurt some one.


    That night I was told to kill the man in question. I stood there the gun in hand. Staring at the man as he wept. I pulled the hammer back on the pistol eyeing y target, already beaten to a pulp over the money I needed to collect. Now all that was left was for me to finish the job. Just as I went to the trigger a young girl walked into the room to find her lovers brother at gun point.
    Carefully she eyed me as I stared at her from the side of my vision. Slowly she did something I didn’t expect, she walk to me and wrapped her arms around me. Then she began to whisper in my ear, how she knew I didn’t want to be like this, how this was not who I truly was.
    That morning I walked with her o her house where I met her sisters and Nancy. Instantly I found my new home as Lyra found her angel. As the months passed our bond grew stronger and stronger. At times we would save each other from those around us and ourselves. Some times one of her ex boyfriends would find their way to her and I would begin to correct their judgment just to have my rage put in check by her. Finally as our lives reach a point when things were going well things had to fall apart.


    Gently a hand reaches up and pulls me from my thoughts. Her warm hands slowly whip a tear from my eye. I look down to see her tear stained face staring back up at me, smiling softly.
    She maybe smiling but her eyes tells me a different story, inside sorrow wracks her mind. Her lips fall open, but her words fall on def ears as my mind races. Letting the pain in my mind take hold, my hearing returns and the words she had just spoken sends me to my knees.
    She is leaving, those words played over and over in my head as I worked to make sense of the rest of the things she told me. Then as if knowing my mind is riddling she slips he last piece of the puzzle in to my open hand. The papers way heavy in my hand, and as I read each line the papers weight increases, until my arm finally drops to the floor. Custody papers, that was her father, come to take her, now her words made sense. When her mother didn’t come to her aid, Lyra cracked her in the face. It wasn’t him causing trouble, it was Lyra.
    Suddenly it played out in my mind, Lyra walking in on Nancy and her father discussing her moving arrangements. Lyra and Nancy arguing until Lyra punches Nancy repeatedly out of blind rage. Lyras father pulling her off of her mother by the only solid hold he could find. He wasn’t dragging her to the door to take her away; he was doing it to get her out of the house.
    Now I see it, if Lyra had gone now she would have returned in a month. Then I realized I was the catalyst that signed her fate. It was because of my reaction she would not return. The justice in this town would label this place and me a bad influence.
    Quietly we wrap our arms around each other as our lips find hold of the first of the last kisses we would share.
    That night I did not return home, but lay my head with Lyra and spent it in the arms of my love. No dreams graced our minds, for sleep never touched us. The next morning the police arrive to escort Lyra to her father. When the pile of raw meat that was left from yesterday caught sight of me, several police pinned me to the couch.
    Slowly Lyra walks to the door as her things is carried out ahead of her. Gently she turns and walks my way, the police moving as she approaches. Softly she lays a leg on either side of me as I sit on the couch. Placing something in my hand, she leans forward pressing her lips to mine in our last kiss. As she pulls away she whispers to me gently,” find me my love, I will be waiting.”
    Her words echoes through my mind late that night, even as I remember watching her climb into her fathers’ car and drive away.
    I sit on the couch next to the phone in hopes she is allowed to or able to call me. The hours tick by and soon the next morning rolls around and still no phone call from my love. Knowing now that he is probably keeping the phone far from her, I lie down and drift to sleep.
    “Oh, you poor thing… your love has left,” the evil croon of my now satisfied sister wakes me.” I’m glad you decided to come home. I was starting to worry about my baby bother.” an evil grin creeps across her face as she looks down at me.
    “Shut up Jackie,” I bite at her as I roll from the couch and walk to the kitchen. I swing the door to the fridge wide open and leaned in a little to see what I could find to eat. Just as I begin to look the door slams shut smacking me in the head.
    “Oh come now little brother, you had to have seen this coming, like I did. She was bound to leave you sooner or later, that’s just the type of person she is.” Her grin pulled in to a broad smile as she saw the look on my face change.
    I wish my brothers were here, and then I wouldn’t have to suffer through her damned onslaught. I walk to the pantry in another attempt and finding something to eat. Quietly Jackie follows a few feet back, obviously waiting to make my life that much harder. Sure enough as I try to leave the room, she sits in the doorway and stares at me.
    “Seriously, get out of my way Jackie,” the words come out loud and threatening, just like I want them to.
    The shock on her face as I pass her is not the only response to my sudden outburst. Around the corner comes my mother, red with rage and fat as she is. She swings at my face as her screams come railing out over her fat lips. Evil curses mixed with how dare yous’ and foul words are all I can hear as I roll under and around each swing she takes.
    I drop the food on the counter, throwing an arm up to catch her next swing, my fingers wrapping around her wrist quickly. She tries to jerk her arm free of my grasp but fails. Slowly I begin to tighten my grip, letting the sickening popping noises of her wrist being pulled from its socket fill the room. Her curses turn to pleas for me to stop as anger fills my face.
    Jackie screams as she begins to beat on my back and head with a cutting board.
    “I’m tired of you two trying to hurt me, in all the ways you know how,” a loud pop echoes through the kitchen as my head spins quickly to the side. I catch a glimpse of the person who hit me, my brother Paul, as the last bits of my vision leave me.


    “Oh brother what am I going to do with you?” say my brother as he runs a large hand through my hair. He has always cared for me so much, even if sometimes he does things that would make others thing the opposite.
    “Take me with you next time.” I whisper as I come to in my brothers’ dark trailer. My head still spinning,”what time is it?”
    “One am, the day after the next. You have been out for over a day, so take it easy.” he smiles as he grips my hand and squeezes tight. “And I will keep that in mind.” He hands me a tall glass of water.
    I sit up slowly watching the stars dance around my vision while I take a drink. “Yeah the passed few days haven’t really been all to kind to me Paul.” I hand the glass back to him as he nods his head.
    “I have heard, you lose yourself and beat the crap out of your girlfriends’ father, causing him to take her away permanently. Yeah I would say things could have gone better for you bro.”
    “Thank you Paul.” I flop back on his bed letting the memories of that day flood my thoughts for an instance.
    “Oh hey, I found this in your pocket.” He hands me a small necklace with a locket and ring on it.
    “Thank you again bro.” I pull it from his hand opening the locket gently. Inside nestled next to a small picture of me and Lyra is a note. I unfold the note and start to read it.

    Dear markus,

    With this locket I hope to give you the will to carry on the way you were with me. Happy and unburden by rage. Till I see you again my love know I will contact you soon and will always be with you I don’t get the chance.

    Love,
    Lyra

    P.S. find me my love; i’m waiting to kiss your sweet lips once again.


    Slowly I folded the note back up and pocketed it. Lifting the locket I looked at the picture inside. Our first picture, taken by Nancy on my birthday. Closing it and slipping it around my neck, I kiss it softly and tuck it under my shirt.
    “You must have meant a lot to her little brother.”
    “And her to I.”
    He smiled and ran a hand through my hair.” well do what you think is right, and I will support your choice no matter what it is.”