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Far away, there was a place where dark clouds filled the sky. The ground was dry and the plants had died. In this forsaken land lived a boy named Austin. He had a simple wooden home. It's grey paint was chipped off in most places. Most of the stairs to the second floor had molded and rotted through.
Late one night, Austin was fast asleep in his makeshift bed of stained blankets and torn pillows. A loud roar quickly awoke him from his slumber. As he woke, he felt a tremendous heat flaring from below.
A hot sweat rolled down his forehead as he headed down stairs. From the staircase he could see flames rising from below. He began to tread hastily but carefully down the broken steps. As he departed down the staircase another loud crash startled him and sent him tumbling downward.
The heat neared as he fell down the stairs. Austin landed with a loud thud. The ground smacked his entire body. Sharp pains sprung out all over him. Austin cringed and winced as he layed on the floor breathing heavily. His bones cracked and twisted around within his body as he tried to lift himself.
Pains shot out now even more fiercly and threw him to the ground once more. And just then for no reason, all he could say was, "Go, go, go." Just repeating "Go, go, go." He reached out his hands and tried to grasp the floor.
Austin squeezed his hands tightly and tried to pull himself across the old wooden floor. The flames burned above him as he began to progress across the floor. Splinters ripped through Austin's fingertips as he clutched tightly to the floor. Through the smoke and fire he could now see the front door.
Austin's fingers now peeled and bleeding reached the doorframe. He used his legs the rest of the way to push himself from the burning house. Landing hard on the dirt outside he breathed heavily. Austin struggled to maintain consciousness. The heat had exhausted him and squeezed his lungs.
He could feel thick warm vomit swelling up in his throat. He succeeded at lifting himself to a sitting position and felt victorious for a moment. Trying to stop the vomit he tilted his head upward.
Austin stared at the sky, as thunder roared and cracked. A deep purple filled the sky as slivers of lightning raced across it. Within moments, the sky became blurry. Austin began to panic as the clouds lowered towards the ground. The fiery house masked by a thick gray fog.
Finally, all Austin could see was a thick gray fog surrounding everything. The heat from the flames whirled away and became a cool breeze. As the thick fog what seemed like rock him back and fourth, he began to feel something. Something, new. A fantastic sensation.
- Title: I Caught It.
- Artist: awestyn
- Description: This is just the prologue of my actual story. Creative criticism is appreciated. Thanks
- Date: 05/20/2009
- Tags: caught
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Comments (2 Comments)
- awestyn - 08/01/2012
- Wow, I completely forgot I had even posted something. Thanks for the comment, now that I remember this story here I might add onto it.
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- BuckyKattLove - 07/30/2012
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Well it's quite a bit better than what I've been reading lately. The sentence structure, spelling, and paragraph breaks all are good and make for an easier reading experience. Some of the sentences are awkwardly phrased and tend toward "purple prose," especially toward the end of the story.
I think I'll check out your gallery so I can see how this continues. smile - Report As Spam