murder

• Artist: midnight_sama12
• Description: it just might happen... ;)
• Date: 03/21/2009
• Tags: murder

the presidents wife comes in and screams "honey!!!!!!!"
the president was dead. the police were called to the seen and identified that he was murdered and didnt just die."stay where you are!"
a person steped in the doorway with a gun.
she shoot both police officers and the presidents wife.

the next day it was announced that the they were killed and the girl became the first female president "i need full attention, i will not be your president... but your QUEEN!"

the news spread that we were no longer a republic but a monarchy. people were sent to kill the girl, no wait.. the murderer, the queen. her name was Kailey and every atempt failed.

"miss president we need to talk...""... we need allies..""huh..? ok but the people hate you ma'am!"a book came flying at the assistents head "stut up and listen.. send a document to japan and china stating that we wish to work together! got that?now go before i fire you""y-y-yes ma'am right away ma'am!"

what is the president thinking?!?!

to be continued...

Comments

[midnight_sama12]

ok changed

[Hekibel]

Here's a few constructive criticisms....
1. Your grammar is a bit shaky "the president was died" doesn't make sense. Either change the "was" to "had" or "died" to "dead".
2. Start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes.
3. Build up more. Take longer to introduce things, create more suspense.

Good luck!

[midnight_sama12]

there will be more