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i woke one moring, everything seemed fine.
i looked at my watch, it was nearly school time
i got dressed and brushed my hair
i jumped on my bike, soon i was there
every night i dreamed of your grin
i jumped of my bike then went in
i looked around, where were you?
afew other people wondered too
i asked the teacher where you were
'he was in an accident' my heart did tear
'what kind of accident?' i replied
'a car crash, he nearly died'
i rushed too the hospital when school did end
I had too find out, was i more then a friend?
i asked for your room, i was allowed in
i saw you in the bed, there was no nice grin
i wondered if you were going to awake
i waited for ages, you made my heart ake
the minute i was about to leave,
yours eyes opened, i was relieved!
'are you alright?' i said, my heart pounding
'i have to tell you something' i said, my heart loudening
'i love you' i said, with a little smile
he didnt reply, it took a while
'i lov--' he began but then stopped
his eyes closed, the machine 'popped'
'Dominic?' i said, worried sick
was he playing some sort of trick?
but his heart stopped, the machine was fried
because at that moment, you had just died
every time i wondered what you were going to say
i never stopped thinking about that upsetting day
i never laughed, i never smiled
only tears came out, that piled
so whenever im sad, and cry
i think of the day when you did die
- by Luna Deslumbrado |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 02/20/2009 |
- Skip
- Title: The True sad love story
- Artist: Luna Deslumbrado
- Description: this story is true. it is about what happened in my life. if you read, you can leave a comment, i made a poem of it.
- Date: 02/20/2009
- Tags: true love story
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Comments (7 Comments)
- Luna Deslumbrado - 01/24/2010
- Thanks guys for the nice comments, dinny@ i dont mind what you say, but thaks jazz for saying that =]
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- BlackJazz - 07/26/2009
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Wow Dinnykins, what a b***h things to say .
To Artist: what a spendid piece you did. Truley from the heart and soul, feelin and emotions poured out for what had happened that fateful day. Though I would capitalize the first letter of each stanza. Overall, fantastic. - Report As Spam
- PotatoPooHead - 07/24/2009
- Not to rain on the parade, but... This piece plays solely on the feeling/emotion of the event, imploring people to sort of "place themselves in the situation". Beyond that, other than stanzas or rhyming, there is nothing even vaguely poetic about the work. The rhymes are incredibly forced (if you're going to attempt rhyme, don't rhyme simple monosyllabic words) and the language lacks true depth and sinews.
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- vv7722 - 07/21/2009
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About halfway through the poem my hand flew to my mouth in horror and shock. Heartbreaking.
I'm sure he loved you too. - Report As Spam
- Princess of Darkness 365 - 07/14/2009
- awwww thats so sad. i almost cried.
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- kandy453 - 07/07/2009
- thats sad i about cried
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- Dark Angel lulu16 - 06/23/2009
- its so beautiful, he probably loved u too
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