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Tanya sighed. Things could be going better, many things could’ve happened to make it better, the flowers could’ve arrived on time, the cake could’ve been decorated better, even if her third cousin, Lenore, would be more cheerful the day could be going better. But none of that mattered. There were only three things today that mattered; Tanya, Edward, and love. Tanya smiled. She was going to make today, despite the small complications in it, the best day of her life. She wasn’t going to let anyone or anything ruin it. She walked over to the opened bay window and looked out onto the unnaturally green lawn and out beyond it to the plunging cliff the to the sea. The sea always made her feel like magic existed, there was just something in the way the sun’s rays always played on its surface. She looked back down at the lawn. Family and friends of course were there, but the majority of the guests were people who wanted to come to show their respect and gratitude towards her and Edward. The door cracked open a little bit and her mother’s voice drifted in.
“Darling, you should come down in a few minutes. Everyone is waiting” The door closed. If it had been any other event going on she would have payed no mind to her mother, but she, almost reluctantly, tore her eyes away from the view. She walked to the full body mirror on the wall adjacent to the window wall. She felt gorgeous. She looked gorgeous. Though her dress was simple it still seemed to flow like a wind over a field of grass. Her shimmering veil dropped down to the back of her knees before it split into three separate veils. Her hair wove in and out of the crown like band on her head holding the veil in place. She looked down at the ring on her hand. The little diamonds on it sparkled. She flipped her hand over and on this side of it was a painful reminder of what life used to be like. Then, weddings were arranged. You didn’t marry who you loved, you married who the government or your parents chose. They were a hassle, nothing more. The weddings were held in a courtroom, before a judge. They looked more like a funeral and when you walked out after it you could sometimes see the eyes of a murderer awaiting his trial glaring at you. It didn’t make any sense, why would a normal murder, burglary, violence judge perform a wedding ceremony? The thought of herself even going through something like that, even for a movie, gave her the creeps. Half the marriages didn’t make it past a year before the two started hating each other, and barley 10 percent of marriages that made it past a year didn’t make it through five years before that happened. She was so happy that her parents were one of the few lucky couples who didn’t completely hate each other. If they were one of those couples, Tanya figured she wouldn’t be where she was now. She had to be sure to thank her parents for that in the toast tonight. She couldn’t believe how different life used to be, once you were twenty-one, you were pretty much condemned to a life of anger and pain. But things were different now and she was about to marry the man she loved. She would be with him forever, for an eternity. She would be the happiest woman alive.
- by MataVandermere |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 07/16/2008 |
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- Title: Intro: Nameless and Faceless
- Artist: MataVandermere
- Description: I for some reason want to write a novel and this is the intoduction. This is "present" sometime in the far off future, but when it goes back to "past" in the far off future it is through the main characters point of veiw... tell me what you think. Give me critisism, dont be mean... i know its not my best... and DO NOT be simon cow.
- Date: 07/16/2008
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Comments (3 Comments)
- MataVandermere - 07/16/2008
- i only use i and me in the "past" times... before this peice.
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- Arisa Wilder - 07/16/2008
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So, I like the idea, and you did well describing things. Unfortunately, there were two paragraphs where there should have been (probably) ten or twenty. For future reference, a paragraph can be any length, if (and only if) it has one idea in it.
So, technically the character's POV would be "I"'s and "me"'s, but it's fine the way it is, tense and POV wise.
It has potential, so try fixing it up (be a little more picky with word choice), and it should be awesome. ;D - Report As Spam
- CalvinRexx - 07/16/2008
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It's pretty interesting, but I see two huge walls of text. I did take the time to read some of it, though I was a little annoyed about there not being any actual paragraphs. Please use the enter key after every five sentences. Though, some people do it six or seven sentences in a paragraph. It's personal preference, really.
And if you intend to make if from the main characters point of view, use 'I' and 'me' instead of 'Tanya' and 'she'. - Report As Spam